I suck at living in the moment.

Cian’s been trying his damndest to teach me.

I have failed.

What can I say? I’m human. I obsess about shit. Shit that happened, is happening, may happen, could never possibly happen but WHAT IF IT DID????

My latest obsession comes courtesy of Cian’s FitBark. I sync the phone app to it whenever I’m in range, and check it frequently, comparing what he has done to the data being displayed. I find it fascinating and hope the UW’s study will find it equally so.

A somewhat normal day for Cian might look like this:

Active quite a bit and sleeping good at night. I’m not certain how the FitBark differentiates between Play and Active. There are times I think it should register other than it does but I haven’t researched that part yet.

Compare that to this readout from the 20th when Cian had a seizure during the early morning hours: You can see the large activity spike between 2 & 3 a.m. Thankfully he just had one and came out of it quickly without having to resort to the Cluster Buster Protocol. He got some extra meds, a can of sardines, and we both went back to sleep. Cian quicker than me.

This was the readout from Wednesday when he woke me up shortly after 1 am fussing and barking in his crate. The dark purple Play spike on the bottom left is when I was laying on the futon throwing his Tija Turtle while wishing he would tire out, lay down, and go to sleep so I could, likewise, get some sleep. That didn’t happen. He didn’t seize, but he was pacing, panting, and restless. Up until 5 when he and the other dogs got breakfast, after which Cian promptly went to sleep, and I went to work. *yawn*

The behavior had me leaving Dave instructions to keep a close eye on him the rest of the day.

Last night we had storms roll through. At one point during the night I jolted awake because I am cursed with that condition many women have, I possess ‘mom ears’ and I swore I heard Cian’s crate banging in that distinctive manner it only does when he is seizing. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and checked the spy cam and was relieved to see Cian was sleeping peacefully so I tried to do the same.

This morning, as usual, I synced up the FitBark…

See that Activity spike after midnight? It bears a striking resemblance to the seizure spike from the 20th. Thing is, Cian was perfectly normal this morning. No tell-tale seizure signs in his crate. Jig wasn’t nasty to him like she normally is afterwards. All seemed right.

So now, I obsess.

First I kick myself for not getting out of bed, not noting the time I heard the noise–or thought I heard the noise. Maybe he was just restless, like the night before? And what if he did have a seizure? Obviously, if he did, he came out of it fine without my intervention or extra drugs, he didn’t cluster, and this morning it’s a thing of the past.

His past. Because he can live in the moment. As we’ve already determined, I find that a challenge. So, I kept checking the spy cam from work until Dave got up, after which all I saw were empty crates. So I can only assume things are still good. If they aren’t I’ll get a call or a text. In the meantime…

Relax, breathe, let go, and live in the moment.

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